Copy of email sent to St John’s the…
Copy of email sent to St John’s the Baptist clergy on 23/09/2019; to which I got no reply:
« It is with the greatest of regrets that I have come to the decision of taking a break, long or short, from the work I’ve come to love at St Johns.
I need a couple of weeks at least away from the church, so I can rest my mind.
I fear that contact with the place is detrimental to me, and is slowly but surely driving me into a very deep depression.
I enter the place with a positive and prayerful attitude; but often leave the premises an uncontrollable blubbering mess, with very dark sinister thoughts which I cannot recognise as my own.
I have recently encountered another opaque dark shadow, on Sunday about 3pm: walking or and sliding diagonally across 6 rows of pews inside the main church.
I am not sure it wanted anything wrong with me: it just did not feel right or benevolent.
Every time this type of event occurs, my heart feels like it’s been tightly squashed by somebody’s fist, and my whole body feels like it’s undergone an electric shock. I just end up crying, and feeling hopelessly lost.
I am very very sad about this; as I never felt a church as a hostile place before. They have always been a refuge or haven for me, throughout my life.
I am very sorry if I am disappointing you, and I hope you find suitable replacement : if only for a short or medium time, or for longer.
I need to rest my mind, away from this turmoil.
I found myself last night just wanting to end it all, in order to put an end this sadness. And for the life of me, I do not know why. My life is not brilliant, but it’s fine. I look forward to things in the morning, I have projects, I have beauty and creativity around me. A few things are looking up, also, in various areas of my life.
But I cannot help the emotions attached to this church anymore, and I’m virtually helpless. And on my very own to cope with this pool of stress.
This was a very progressive affair, with various phenomenons, including intimidating presences, and one large shadow seemingly trying to/ jumping from the ground into my womb.
I feel it’s only getting worse, and closer to me somehow.
I am extremely tired, and although I will miss the church, I am literally afraid for my sanity.
I do hope you understand, or at least try to comprehend: without insulting my intelligence, and without implying that I would somehow be the source of those events.
I am trying to find some peace. I cannot make sense of most things, but I do not want to spend time thinking about them, and worrying endlessly.
This is way too big for me: as I’m writing this, my heart is pounding in my chest so hard it actually physically hurts. And I really don’t like the physical shocks those repeated emotions are causing to my system.
I have not talked to anyone else about this, and I don’t intend to.
I trust none of you will make rash decisions, which might affect the way some vulnerable (or some simple minds) may use or understand the above statements.
Please kindly advise treasurers about this: unfortunately I have just recently been put on an automatic payment system, and I’m due some money at the end of the month; but I guess this would have to be adjusted again from now on...
Also, please do not worry overmuch: I will be fine, I think, should I get some rest... Somehow.
Sorry and thank you.
Regards,
Sandrine Anterrion”
Following those unanswered emails, I got hostile and even aggressive comments from the main vicar. The last thing he said to me was : « Off you go! », over and over again.
There isn’t a day when I am not saddened, distressed and angered by those events.